Save The Earthworms: “Psychotic” People Aren’t What You Think We Are
When people say the words “Psychotic” or “Delusional”, they are not referring to a complex brain condition. Rather, they are using their tongue as a weapon to try and paint whoever it is they do not like or disagree with violent, irrational, and unreasonable. I’m pretty certain that I’ve heard the word “Psychotic” used as a pejorative more times in my life than I’ve heard it used by medical professionals, and I’m a diagnosed Schizophrenic. To these people, “Psychotic” is loose-cannon, it is unpredictable, volatile, and fearsome. In American society, “poor mental health” has become a throw-away for societies ills and violence. The deviant individual is to blame, not anything to do with the systems of society (and no verification if the perpetrator in question actually has real Psychosis in most cases). When I hear this disparagement of my brain-type, I always want to tell them one particular story, of when I was in an unmedicated Schizophrenic episode, when I was “Psychotic”: unpredictable & irrational.
It was sometime around March of my first-year of Undergrad. I went to James Madison University, which sits at the base of the Blue Ridge Mountains. I was a Biology major at the time, and was taking Molecular Biology. I had night lab, and one night my lab did not get out until very late in the evening. The Biology building in located on a specialized Science campus (called East Campus), and my dorm was on this special campus as well. One feature of East Campus is every time it rains, the cement paths absolutely flood with earthworms, it’s disgusting. It was raining that night.
This was during my first enrollment at the University, so I was still working in the Neuroscience lab. One of my fellow Laboratory Assistance was also my partner in Molecular Biology. He and the grad student teaching our class let me leave a little early, as they could tell something was not quite right. I remember feeling Dissociated, and stepping out into the rain, which was not super heavy but was more than mist.
I had intended to get dinner before the foodcourt closed for the evening, but that is when I noticed The Worms. Worms, Worms everywhere. It always bothered me so much too see so many dead worms, but right now, this night, They Were Still Alive! Delusional thinking took over, and I began reaching down to try and save the Worms. Thoughts of Worms consumed me. Panic whelmed within me, as there were clearly too many to save. At one point my lab-mate passed me, and seemed very confused, but I brushed him off. I have Worms to save!
I was not dressed for the weather. I had and have always had many sensory issues from my Schizophrenia, and my clothing sensitivities were particularly bad at that point in time. I would have been wearing a knee-length dress with no tights or leggings, a thin rain coat, and cheap flats with no socks. I got soaked very quickly. Thankfully, having experienced Hypothermia once in my life because of Delusional Ideation, I have come ton recognize the warning signs even while in pretty Extreme States of consciousness, and I accepted defeat with heavy heart. I couldn't save all the worms.
I went back to my dorm and crawled into bed. Those poor worms.
Psychotic doesn’t mean dangerous, and neither does Delusional. While there is a small link between Schizophrenia and violence, Psychotic people are still more likely to victims of violence than perpetrators and the general public’s fear of us is generally unfounded (Taylor, 2008). Many Psychotic people who are violent have been previously subject in Involuntary Hospitalizations, which are often highly Traumatizing and involve violation of bodily sovereignty, and have been victims of violence and abuse themselves (Witt et al, 2013). If you are afraid of “Psychotic” or “Delusional” violent actions by people around you, take concrete actions to stop the Cycle of Violence in your community, but do not act in prejudice towards people whose brains are simply structured differently or scapegoat us.
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Citations
Taylor P. J. (2008). Psychosis and violence: stories, fears, and reality. Canadian journal of psychiatry. Revue canadienne de psychiatrie, 53(10), 647–659. https://doi.org/10.1177/070674370805301004
Witt, K., van Dorn, R., & Fazel, S. (2013). Risk factors for violence in psychosis: systematic review and meta-regression analysis of 110 studies. PloS one, 8(2), e55942. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0055942
